i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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