U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
