Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
