I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
