i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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