i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
