Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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