who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
