guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
