Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
