Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
