I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Come see our sink grown plant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
