ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
