Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
