I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
