I smell stomach acid.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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