He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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