His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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