Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize