peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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