You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's blow job season.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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