i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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