I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
