His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I believe in your delicious
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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