Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
