already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
