He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
