is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
