I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
