Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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