Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
