i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
