I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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