we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
