I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
