I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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