saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
