i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
