Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My ass is underappreciated
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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