Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
