Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
