If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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