farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
