we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
