I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
