Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
