I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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