hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think I sprained my soul last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
