My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
