Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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