the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
love makes seman taste better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
