Have you finally orgasmed yet?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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