You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
