oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
