if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
